love in the time of war is not fair...
~ Norah Jones
Last night was the final class this year’s Perspectives course. This was actually the second time I took the course, having enrolled for the first time last Spring. While attending a presentation for Bridge to Rwanda with my friend Cari, back in the states for a spell before returning to her work in Uganda, we were cornered by our local Perspectives coordinator, Charlie (one of the nicest… and most persuasive… guys you’ll ever meet). Charlie quickly discovered that Cari had never taken the course (which began the next evening) and swiftly devised a plan to enroll her. A few phone calls and nudges later, Cari was enrolled, and I had agreed to return as an alumnus.
I am so glad that I took the course again.
If you have never heard of Perspectives, let me be the first to tell you, you need to take it.
If you’re tired of hearing about Perspectives, but still haven’t stepped a foot in the door, let me be one in the line of many to annoy you - you need to take it.
Yes, it is a time commitment: 17 weeks of 3 hour classes, and enough reading to make your head spin.
Yes, it is a life commitment: a commonly heard phrase is, it will ruin you for the ordinary.
Yes, it is worth it.
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I kind of ended up in missions by accident.
I looked up one day, and realized all of my friends were either out in the field, or trying to get there.
Next thing I knew, I was a sender.
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The first time I took the Perspectives course I did a lot more of the reading. This time I did a lot more listening. I recall, specifically, two articles by Dr. Ralph Winter and his wife Roberta that I found and devoured from the US Center for World Mission’s website.
Dr. Winter’s Commitment to a Wartime Lifestyle, and Roberta’s The Non-Essentials of Life, were life-altering articles for me. Pieces started to fit into place, from my attachment to Matthew 6 as an early follower of Christ, to my first encounter over ten years ago with John Perkins’ “3 R’s of Christian community development”, to watching friends sell off everything they own to go where the Lord was leading them.
The Lord wasn’t calling me to go (though, I stand aware that He has the option to do so at any time).
He was calling me to stay.
But He wasn’t calling me to get comfortable.
Staying didn’t mean living like nothing was going on in the world around me.
Staying didn’t mean storing up treasures and building a pretty little life.
Staying meant living simply and below my means, paying off debt, discerning wants from needs, in order that I may be more able to give to those who were going to the ends of the earth.
Staying meant identifying my giftings and allowing them to be used for the Kingdom.
Staying meant allowing God to mold the dreams He had already placed in my heart to be used by Him to love and serve others.
Staying meant clinging to the vine, allowing myself to be pruned, making mistakes, learning from them, growing and never settling.
Staying is tougher than I thought it was going to be.
I am still learning.
I am still shedding.
I am still listening and discerning and being challenged.
And it’s exciting… and weird… and good.
For better or for worse, it is my life.
It is His life… when I release control to Him.
Tuesday, May 13, 2008
~ wartime lifestyle ~
Thursday, May 08, 2008
up past bedtime...
This Just In...
I opened my inbox this morning to the following email:
This is a confirmation for your seat(s) at the presentation featuring Jim Wallis on Wednesday, May 14. It will begin at 4:00 p.m. in the Wally Allen Ballroom in the Statehouse Convention Center. His book will be available for purchase and a book signing will immediately follow his presentation. Please let me know if you have any questions or you cannot attend.
Please note: His presentation will be at the Statehouse Convention Center.
Granted, I am not able to attend all of the lectures at the Clinton School, but of the ones I have had the pleasure of attending, the only one I recall being moved to the Convention Center was Richard Dawkins... and it was good...
Tuesday, May 06, 2008
please stand by...

Please excuse the dearth of writing, commenting and general social networking as of late. I have been experiencing a crisis of church over the last several weeks... ok months... ok years... but it has come to a crux over the past couple of weeks.
Two things should be noted:
One, I am experiencing a crisis of church, not a crisis of faith.
Two, I am experiencing a crisis of church, not a crisis of Church.
Not quite two weeks ago, I let the elders of my congregation know that I was removing myself from the covenant of belonging I had signed with them. There were many things leading up to my decision, spanning about two years of prayer and counsel. Some issues that emerged over the past 2-3 years were very big, and perhaps I should have acted sooner. Some issues were very small and would not have stood alone as reasons to walk away. Some issues seemed to tear my heart apart into tiny, unrecognizable pieces.
I am still in the process of letting people know that I have left, either as they ask about my absence or as it seems appropriate during a time of interaction.
Some people have asked to know more about my decision. I am willing to get together and talk about what I have processed so far, but ask for understanding and patience as this has proven to be more difficult for me than I had expected - and letting people know has been more difficult than the decision!
I hope to be back to my writing-commenting-socializing self soon, so stay tuned!
Friday, May 02, 2008
~ gated community ~
blow up your tv
throw away your paper
go to the country
build you a home
plant a little garden
eat a lot of peaches
try to find Jesus
on your own
~ John Prine
We learn from our gardens to deal with the most urgent question of the time: How much is enough?
~ Wendell Berry
~ Deuteronomy 14:22-29
~ 1 Thessalonians 4:11-12
~ Revelation 22:1-4
Thursday, May 01, 2008
Play Ball!
This is one example of what the ballfields my niece & nephew play on looked like after the tornado a few weeks ago:

Being a dutiful aunt, these are the pieces I made for the silent auction to raise funds for the new fields:
Obligatory teacher necklace (sans matching jumper)
Razorback fan bracelet (the little polka dots blend well with pearls for the perfect tailgate party ensemble)
"Born to Be Wild" Bracelet
"Bloom Where You're Planted" Necklace & Earrings
"Beach Bum" Necklace, Bracelet & Earrings
My favorite part about the "#1 Teacher" and "Flip-Flop" charms is that they were actually Christmas ornaments I bought in multi-packs with similarly themed ornaments at the Hobby Lobby post-holiday sale (read: dirt cheap!).
Monday, April 28, 2008
one and one and one is three...
I love to see things come together.
Before I left Little Rock on Friday, to head up to the Nomads conference, I jotted down a hodge-podge of verses that have been swirling around in my head and heart over the past 4-6 months. Being at the office, with my notebook and Bible already packed away in my car, there were verses left out (and maybe a few added into the mix). It felt very random, but for whatever reason, it was what I needed to post.
Despite random weather patterns, the conference was encouraging and refreshing as ever. The best part, however, was the last morning. It was cold. Freezing cold. Having slept in four layers of clothing for two nights, without showers, I could no longer stand my warm clothes and had resorted to subsisting in the only clean items I had left: jeans and a t-shirt. I, at least, covered my arms with a thin (and only slightly smelly) hoodie. My warmer shoes were damp and my socks were nasty, so I went with the not-in-the-least-bit-warm-yet-eternally-comfy flip-flop option (which turned out to be a moot decision, as we were encouraged to "sacrifice" by continue the tradition of removing our shoes in the sanctuary, despite the bitter cold).
So there I am, with my friend Cari beside me and the two children I am chaperoning running amok somewhere on the campus, worshipping with my entire being in an effort to stay warm. When we sat down for the last message of our time together, I sat my Bible and opened my notebook in my lap, my leg shaking violently underneath. John Zumwalt offered an always endearing introduction of his wife, Jamie, and I poised my pen in my hand.
Her topic? The Godly Ambition of Fruitfulness.
*peaceful sigh*
I prepared myself to hear from the Spirit.
Jamie started out giving an overview of John 15 and the fruit of the Spirit from Galatians 5.
She reminded us that God created us with the desire to bear fruit and to reproduce disciples.
This reminded me of some verses that connected for me during our 1 Thessalonians study this Spring. The very first chapter talks about how the Thessalonians were impacted by the fruit of the disciples' lives as they lived among them, and of how the people's lives reflected this same fruit. I was reminded at that time of John 15:16: You did not choose me, but I chose you and appointed you to go and bear fruit—fruit that will last…. Somehow in the midst of our discussion, we had also tied in Matthew 13, and how seed (that leads to fruit) is sown in people's lives. It just so happens that Matthew 13 is the chapter Jamie chose to focus on.
Looking at the parable of the Parable of the Sower in Matthew 13, we looked at the various ways our purpose in the Kingdom of God can either fail to develop or can flourish.
The seed that was snatched away (vs. 19) represented lack of understanding.
Jamie talked about the principle of blindness: if we're not submitted to God, we're not going to respond; if God reveals something to us and we do not respond, we bring judgement on ourselves; understanding may not be revealed to a person because their heart is not submitted to God and they are not ready to be held accountable to the expectations.
The seed that fell on rocky soil (vs. 20-21) is the seed that grows with no roots.
Unlike Romans 5:1-3, which reminds us perseverance comes from being anchored in Christ, this is the person who encounters trials and ends up running away or shutting down emotionally. The fruit of the spirit is aborted rather than perseverance being cultivated. In addition to trials, they may also face persecution/disapproval from failure to fulfill other people's desires and expectations for their lives.
The seed among the thorns (vs. 22) has its fruitfulness choked out of it by the concerns of this world.
It remains a plant, but a wimpy plant unable to bear fruit - it's just there. Specifically, these verses speak of worries of life and deceitfulness of wealth. It hearkens back to Matthew 6 and reminds us to let each day's worries be enough for that day. Specifically here, Jamie touched on concerns that face potential missionaries, but since we are all called to lay down our lives for the sake of the Gospel, the worries apply to all of us. It's our desire for security. Our desire to secure our rights. Our desire to control our life. It may be insurance or retirement savings or unfulfilled desires. Of all the desires Jamie highlighted, the one that stood out for me the desire for marriage (and an accompanying discontent with singleness). It is not that the desire is bad, but if it chokes out our fruitfulness while we wait for it to come to fruition, then it a hinderence to our purpose in the Kingdom.
The seed that fell on the good soil (vs. 23) yields a crop.
Obviously, this is the seed we all desire to cultivate. This is the life that hears God's call, understands it, doesn't give in to worries and trials and BEARS FRUIT!
Endurance produces fruit.
We are reminded in Hebrews 6:11-15 not to become lazy. Notice the reference to Abraham's promise that kept cropping up in the verses in my previous post? Fruitfullness. Discipleship. Endurance. Patience. Perseverance. Powerful themes.
Jamie issued the following challenge:
What is the vision/dream God is calling you to? What are the steps to pursue?
- start telling people (accountability)
- get out of debt (or whatever is holding you back)
- apply or get training
- sell stuff/simplify
- work on your character weaknesses (bad fruit)
- take bold steps
You can have as much fruit as you are willing to sacrifice for (John 12:24). Is sowing genrously part of who you are? (2 Corinthians 9:6) Am I content with no fruit?
My notes may be a bit scattered, but sitting there with shivers and a sunburn I was inspired by the words God spoke through his servant Jamie.
I have seen the pattern of God pulling together seemingly random events in my life to move me to new places. Yet, somehow, I sometimes forget to trust that He will continue to do this if I will follow Him to the place He is leading (which reminds me of John's teaching on Saturday night... but I suppose that will have to be another post).
For the long drive home, I needed music that will keep me awake. It is no secret that I am a Superchick fan, so I chose their Beauty from Pain CD among the limited assortment in the mini-van. Guess what? God can even speak through CCM:
she feels lost in her own life
treading water just to keep from slipping under
and she wonders if she's where she's supposed to be
tired of trying to do it right
her dreams are just too far away
to see how steps she's making might be taking her to who she'll be
and suddenly it isn't what it used to be
and after all this time it worked out just fine
and suddenly i am where i'm supposed to be
and after all the tears, i was supposed to be here
Friday, April 25, 2008
~ fruit salad ~
The LORD had said to Abram, "Leave your country, your people and your father's household and go to the land I will show you. I will make you into a great nation and I will bless you; I will make your name great, and you will be a blessing. I will bless those who bless you, and whoever curses you I will curse; and all peoples on earth will be blessed through you."
Genesis 17:6-7
I will make you very fruitful; I will make nations of you, and kings will come from you. I will establish my covenant as an everlasting covenant between me and you and your descendants after you for the generations to come, to be your God and the God of your descendants after you.
For in Christ Jesus neither circumcision nor uncircumcision has any value. The only thing that counts is faith expressing itself through love. You were running a good race. Who cut in on you and kept you from obeying the truth? That kind of persuasion does not come from the one who calls you.
You, my brothers, were called to be free. But do not use your freedom to indulge the sinful nature; rather, serve one another in love. The entire law is summed up in a single command: "Love your neighbor as yourself." If you keep on biting and devouring each other, watch out or you will be destroyed by each other.
So I say, live by the Spirit, and you will not gratify the desires of the sinful nature. For the sinful nature desires what is contrary to the Spirit, and the Spirit what is contrary to the sinful nature. They are in conflict with each other, so that you do not do what you want. But if you are led by the Spirit, you are not under law.
The acts of the sinful nature are obvious: sexual immorality, impurity and debauchery; idolatry and witchcraft; hatred, discord, jealousy, fits of rage, selfish ambition, dissensions, factions and envy; drunkenness, orgies, and the like. I warn you, as I did before, that those who live like this will not inherit the kingdom of God.
But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. Against such things there is no law. Those who belong to Christ Jesus have crucified the sinful nature with its passions and desires. Since we live by the Spirit, let us keep in step with the Spirit. Let us not become conceited, provoking and envying each other.
The LORD your God will circumcise your hearts and the hearts of your descendants, so that you may love him with all your heart and with all your soul, and live. The LORD your God will put all these curses on your enemies who hate and persecute you. You will again obey the LORD and follow all his commands I am giving you today. Then the LORD your God will make you most prosperous in all the work of your hands and in the fruit of your womb, the young of your livestock and the crops of your land. The LORD will again delight in you and make you prosperous, just as he delighted in your fathers, if you obey the LORD your God and keep his commands and decrees that are written in this Book of the Law and turn to the LORD your God with all your heart and with all your soul.
Now what I am commanding you today is not too difficult for you or beyond your reach. It is not up in heaven, so that you have to ask, "Who will ascend into heaven to get it and proclaim it to us so we may obey it?" Nor is it beyond the sea, so that you have to ask, "Who will cross the sea to get it and proclaim it to us so we may obey it?" No, the word is very near you; it is in your mouth and in your heart so you may obey it. See, I set before you today life and prosperity, death and destruction. For I command you today to love the LORD your God, to walk in his ways, and to keep his commands, decrees and laws; then you will live and increase, and the LORD your God will bless you in the land you are entering to possess. But if your heart turns away and you are not obedient, and if you are drawn away to bow down to other gods and worship them, I declare to you this day that you will certainly be destroyed. You will not live long in the land you are crossing the Jordan to enter and possess. This day I call heaven and earth as witnesses against you that I have set before you life and death, blessings and curses. Now choose life, so that you and your children may live and that you may love the LORD your God, listen to his voice, and hold fast to him. For the LORD is your life, and he will give you many years in the land he swore to give to your fathers, Abraham, Isaac and Jacob.
You women who are so complacent, rise up and listen to me; you daughters who feel secure, hear what I have to say! In little more than a year you who feel secure will tremble; the grape harvest will fail, and the harvest of fruit will not come. Tremble, you complacent women; shudder, you daughters who feel secure! Strip off your clothes, put sackcloth around your waists. Beat your breasts for the pleasant fields, for the fruitful vines and for the land of my people, a land overgrown with thorns and briers - yes, mourn for all houses of merriment and for this city of revelry. The fortress will be abandoned, the noisy city deserted; citadel and watchtower will become a wasteland forever, the delight of donkeys, a pasture for flocks, till the Spirit is poured upon us from on high, and the desert becomes a fertile field, and the fertile field seems like a forest.
Justice will dwell in the desert and righteousness live in the fertile field. The fruit of righteousness will be peace; the effect of righteousness will be quietness and confidence forever.
Since, then, you have been raised with Christ, set your hearts on things above, where Christ is seated at the right hand of God. Set your minds on things above, not on earthly things. For you died, and your life is now hidden with Christ in God. When Christ, who is your life, appears, then you also will appear with him in glory. Put to death, therefore, whatever belongs to your earthly nature: sexual immorality, impurity, lust, evil desires and greed, which is idolatry. Because of these, the wrath of God is coming. You used to walk in these ways, in the life you once lived. But now you must rid yourselves of all such things as these: anger, rage, malice, slander, and filthy language from your lips. Do not lie to each other, since you have taken off your old self with its practices and have put on the new self, which is being renewed in knowledge in the image of its Creator.
Here there is no Greek or Jew, circumcised or uncircumcised, barbarian, Scythian, slave or free, but Christ is all, and is in all.
Therefore, as God's chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience. Bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another. Forgive as the Lord forgave you. And over all these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity. Let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, since as members of one body you were called to peace. And be thankful. Let the word of Christ dwell in you richly as you teach and admonish one another with all wisdom, and as you sing psalms, hymns and spiritual songs with gratitude in your hearts to God. And whatever you do, whether in word or deed, do it all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him. Wives, submit to your husbands, as is fitting in the Lord. Husbands, love your wives and do not be harsh with them. Children, obey your parents in everything, for this pleases the Lord. Fathers, do not embitter your children, or they will become discouraged. Slaves, obey your earthly masters in everything; and do it, not only when their eye is on you and to win their favor, but with sincerity of heart and reverence for the Lord. Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for men, since you know that you will receive an inheritance from the Lord as a reward. It is the Lord Christ you are serving. Anyone who does wrong will be repaid for his wrong, and there is no favoritism.



